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Personal Information

Name : Dominic
Location : Bath
Gender :   
Date of Birth : 14th May 1983
Age : 31

Personal Bio

Geek - leveling up his geekdom through acquiring of new hobbies.

Computer Programmer for a Bath based software house by day. Gamer; larper; table top roleplayer; cosplayer; very occasional random game designer; sci-fi, fantasy, comic book and anime fan - the rest of the time.

After over three years of playing it www.NexusWar.com is no more! And the universe is a worse place for it.
Still www.wigbl.com exists, heavily inspired by NexusWar. Still in alpha, but looks promising.

Cosplay Bio

First in 2008 Ailsa-chan made me do it! I made a couple of costumes, then I bought a house and learnt renovating a house eats up all your time.

I have been to the following cons (click links for photos):
Minami 14
Amecon 08
Minami 15
Kitacon 10
Minami 16

And plan to do some amounts of cons a year, but probably no more expos, for however long I keep cosplaying which I'm getting back into now the house is nearly 'done'.

LiveJournal

Unwanted conditioning

Sat, 19 Jul 2014 23:45:58 GMT

Not something I would usually choose to write about, but with Rachael away I need to get it out of my head so I can sleep.

It's finally clicked that I've effectively been conditioned to feel insulted whenever a certain person utters one of a small set of phrases, or uses a particular tone of voice. Conditioning that also encourages my natural quiet state in group conversations, because to make comment is to provide opportunity to contradict or undermine my opinions. The conditioning has taken years of low level bullying through passive aggressive behaviour, and body language combined with physical positioning designed to make me feel outside and not included (say hello teenage mental hangups, haven't see you in a while). Conditioned so that I know I have been insulted, delivered in a way that no one else should have any reason to register anything has happened, unless they have an understanding of the situation. Always delivered in social situations as that's where the only chance of real interactions has been in the last few years, but also as it limits any opportunity for confrontation without disrupting the situation or unfairly ruining the mood for anyone else.

I've gone back and forth on how intentional it is, but that doesn't change the nature of the beast, nor does the intention really matter. It's born out of dislike, and has once crossed lines that mean if there was an opportunity for reconciliation I wouldn't be able to take it. It's out of my control, beyond just minimising contact, so I continue to work on Zen acceptance of it such as I can. Remembering the Serenity Prayer* to help me reclaim inner peace, and to let the passage of time heal the sting of the insult. Remembering that good friends and the good will they have far out ways this one insignificant view of an irrelevant petty person.

But I have been insulted during a gathering of friends, conditioned to hear the insult where no one else would, I feel it's sting and I do not want it.

But I was able to both get necessary things done and spend the majority of the day surrounded by friends, and really that's the bit that matters.

*Maybe the only useful thing I took out of primary and secondary Roman Catholic religious education, and it was simply on a poster on a wall.

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