I dunno - I can sing quite loudly. To all the bad songs I might add! lol

I have made a list of what I have to do before the Expo, and it's a little scary! The fact that I had a day off today and wasted it playing with my Helena Harper cosplay didn't help (especially as it really doesn't need anything doing to it!). Now that I have my first prop gun, I can't help posing in the mirror and quoting Dirty Harry!

Never ever tattoo yourself xD
Jeez, even a small traingle on yourself is sheer pain o_o

RIGHT! Work AND guy related rant, all nicely rolled into one! Aren't you guys lucky!

I'm also gonna name people in this, not because I'm "naming and shaming" but it's kinda hard to not to as well as make sense.

Long rant is long.

I am so fucking pissed off with the guys at work. Last night/this morning was Green shifts 12 hour night shift, and I'm already a bit frazzled as it's now gotten to the stage of this job that I'm actually close to crying before leaving work as I hate it that much.

Now, I had one of the "lads", 'Cookie', ask me why I don't go out with Darren, who is the guy I constantly rant on about on here, how much he annoys me etc. So I explained that, yeah he's a nice guy and, yeah, he's pretty good looking (he looks pretty close the the guy who play Superman/Clark Kent in the TV series of Superman way back when), but I don't really gel with or even like his personality and nor do I like spending time with him at work and, as such, I don't want to go out with him. And Cookie was like "oh right okay. Fair enough."

And I thought that would be that.

HAH!

Part way through the night, one of the machines break down. And without this machine, NOTHING CAN RUN! So it was like, "go keep yourself occupied" kinda thing.

Well, Darren and I did all the jobs you could do. And also cleaned. Darren finished before me, so went for a chat with the two in make-up who also had nothing to do because of the breakdown, Cookie and Simon.

I finished up what I was doing and went and joined them, as, as a group, they're pretty funny.

They decided to use that time to grill me as to why I wasn't going out with Darren. And I explained, as I had done with Cookie EARLIER that I wasn't interested and why.

But, you know, that wasn't good enough. Cause, like, I went out with Karl, and Karl isn't good looking at all. And I explained that I went out with Karl as I was attracted to his sense of humour which is rather similar to my own, and I enjoyed the conversations we had as they were rather intelligent rather than being about stupid little thing. And that moved on to why I dumped him, and I explained (those that don't know: I told him I wanted to take it slow, he kept badgering me). Simon: "Oh, but you thought you'd do well with Karl, but then realised he wasn't right when you went out with him; Could be the same for Darren"

And essentially it went on. And on. And on. And they kept saying "oh, you should go on a date with him blahblahblah" and how "he'd take good care of you" and that's he's loaded and all that thing. Then Simon goes and says that I'm not a nice person because of it, and that, in relation to Karl, I should have "gived out" after the first damn day and that I'm being selfish.

And then they went back at on me that I should go out with him! And about 3am I caved. And said it'll have to be after Christmas as I was too busy beforehand (which is true).

Then, to make it even worse, Simon came up to me and called me selfish AGAIN for making it after Christmas, and that I can't be that busy not to take just one freaking Saturday off. I don't have free time to spend with my friends, so why the hell would I take time out on what I was doing for Darren?

So yeah, spent the rest of the night, in the job I loathe, now feeling worse than ever because of stuff that had just happened, with 4 more bloody hours to go until we were released. I'd essentially been slagged off (as far as I view it) and pressured into dating someone I don't like, and then had to spend the rest of the time with the guys who'd fucking done it! So yeah, at the time I was feeling rather miserable, and felt like crying.

Now, since I've slept and such, I'm fucking furious. How dare they! It's my damn fucking life, not theirs! Fuck 'em all!

I fucking hate my job, it's shit! And then with the fucking bleuh I have to work with too, I honestly feel like I'm gonna go mad or do something stupid. I want to quit really badly, but I can't afford to and so I'm stuck in the god-forsaken job.



And like, with them, it's the total opposite of what normal people say; instead of going "oh, you're not leading him on and using him for his cash and generosity until someone's better comes out, that's good" Instead, I was being bollocked for it!

Just generally feeling down, frustrated, and left out.

I don't know if you're a hugs person, but have some anyway *hugs*

@ Nixie: Wow, well that's quite something... It sounds to me like they had planned it in advance to try and set you up with him or to at least talk him up enough that you'd start being interested. But they're the one's who are totally going about it the wrong way. First off you're not "selfish" at all just for having standards and knowing who you want/don't want to go out with. It's funny how some people actually think insulting you will actually convince you to willingly date someone.

My advice to you would be that now you have agreed to go on a date with him, just do it. Be polite and generally positive, try and make the most of it, but explain at the end that he's a great guy, just not what you're looking for. If you really wanna blow him off then by all means, but obviously if they're getting that aggy over it then I guess it's fair to say you can probably expect them to say some pretty nasty, stupid things behind your back. But hey, that's what immature jerks do.

As for your whole thing though, I really can sympathise. You might remember not too long ago I was constantly moaning about my job, it really got to the point where I dreaded going in everyday. I'd go to sleep and just wish that the next day I'd wake up with the flu or something so I wouldn't have to go in. My honest advice would be to just try and set some time aside for job searching (again, I know it's so much easier said than done when you barely get enough time to eat, shower and sleep everyday) I was sceptical as well, but I just had a look and I went for a job that I never thought I'd hear back from, funnily enough I'm working there now. It's not 100% perfect, but what job is? If nothing else on the whole I feel so much better now that I'm in a nice environment, it makes me feel better (and more productive) in my time off as well. Just give it some thought, you have nothing to lose by just looking at what's available every week or so!

As for my day: I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I found out why my music in my car was only coming through the one speaker. The bad news is that I need a new stereo. OTL

After a positive day sewing, turns out I've managed to get spill glue everywhere which I put aside to avoid spilling it (irony) and it's on stuff that will now need throwing away, and I'm still no further in knowing how to build the scepter for Loki.

Props, why you so hard and so destructive to do.

Found out that my grans cat had to be put down a couple of months ago. It's sad because I loved that cat to pieces... even if he did nearly make me blind in one eye.He ended up being an absolute lovely cat these past few years, I'm actually going to miss him. But he was at an old age, I mean, 15 for a cat is pretty darn good!

I know exactly how that feels. Last year one of my cats had to be put down at the age of 17, I was really upset but my mum saw it as the best thing for him seeing how he was more of an outdoor cat and that it wouldn't seem fair to him to keep taking him to the vet's practically everyday. His brother is still going at 18 with diabetes. But it was a friend of mine's cat that lasted to early 20's and she was devastated cause her cat when missing and was put down without her or her family's knowing. I can clearly say that she hasn't had much luck with pets as last year a dog attack killed her rabbit.

Holy crap Nixie.

You're well within your working rights not to be harassed like that. Anything regarding your personal life is none of their business.

I would suggest you say "I've met someone, sorry. I don't wish to talk about my private life."

They don't deserve anything more, other than to shut up and get on with their work.

Like Jae said this is MAJOR Harassment and you should have to deal with it at work - I'd speak to a manager about this kind of nonsense! This should NOT be happening in the work place!

REPORT THEIR ASSES!

@Han: The thing that worries me is that they pressured me into that, what then happens if they pressure me into something else? If just keeps going? I'd rather have nothing to do with him - I don't particularly like him -- and I mean in general, not just in a relationship way. I wouldn't want to spend time with him outside work as "friends", so... Yeah. I'd rather have nothing to do with him.

As to work in general, I am job hunting.

-Speakers, hopefully, shouldn't be too much though

@Jae and numta: I have decided to report it.

@Alynia: I know what it's like to lose a beloved moggy - even one that takes delight in biting you. You have my sympathy to their passing.

@The-oncoming-storm: Maybe finding something curved, or that can be curved (a pipe which could be heated and then bent, for example) and then building it up with paper mache? For the glow bit, you could get some EL wire, leave it coiled, attach it (with string or something) and get a thin battery pack that you could hide into the staff but could easily get to still.

Today has not been good...

I couldn't sleep last night. Then, to make matters worse I heard something trying to get in through the cat flap in my kitchen. I live in a flat and my bedroom is next to the kicthen. I went to investigate and found a rat sitting in the cat flap doorway tring to get in - freak out!!

I definitely couldn't sleep after that. However, I managd to get some shuteye, and again the sneakly little bugger was trying to get in again in the morning. Have phoned the letting agents, who said they can't do anything unless the rat(s) has nested in my flat. Called environmental control, who may or may not visit at some point in the next week or so.

On top of that, I have been like a zombie at work and I am under alot of pressure at the moment. I think I am just going to put my head down and sleep for the rest of the week now...

So I finally saw my new colleague yesterday. Well briefly... She's on a different shift but will still end up seeing each other every day as the shifts change. Pretty sure she's still upset. I tried to give her some space but I think that might have made things worse. I think we caught each other out of the corners of our eyes. Although another friend who works the same shift as me stopped to talk to her. I don't think he knows what's going on (and would prefer if he didn't find out).

I really don't know if I can cope with this. Feels like I won't be able to do anything without antagonising her further...

Well, first off if you're worried you could always invest in some mousetraps? My dad used them before when we had mice and it worked pretty well. I don't suppose you have one of those catflaps you can lock, have you? My cat flap you can set so it opens, stays closed or only opens one way. That's if you're not too bothered about letting your cat out.

As for sleep I feel your pain! I keep finishing kung fu at about 9, have to get home, eat, shower and then go straight to bed and then I'm up for work at about half 5, it's a killer, I tell ya! Look forward to your weekend and then lie in until an ungodly hour! XD

Just the whole Ingeus thing, using any excuse to drag my confidence down. They even expect me to change my working hours in favour for a weekly course they are doing which is a pain because I dont like the thought of the disruption of the routine I am used to already. I just feel I am blamed for stuff that is beyond my control and still they let it out on me.

Its like at first when I started the programme they seemed kinda intimidated with me due to my politeness, education and computer/Word skills as shown on my CV so they have nothing to moan about but now they know me a little better its like they are nitpicking minor things (which I made clear that I am working on fixing) and spend literally more than half the appointment dragging me down rather than doing their job.

I should be starting my TA training soon as I should be paying for it this week so next time Ill try to move the subject into that if they suddenly do the same next time as they done today.

Problem solved - the answer was a magnetic cat flap! That will keep those little blighters at bay til the council sorts them out. New problem - teaching the cat how to use a magnetic cat flap! lol

Anyway, new rant for today - still tired, been stuck with a needle for my flu jab (I really don't like injections!) and the person we employed to start in less than 2 weeks emailed today to say she wouldn't be starting with us afterall. Now have to start interviewing all over again! Argh the stress!!

I have a small amount of happiness though, so I'll go be excited on the happy thread

I seem to be in deficit of emotion, again.

Something matters to someone, more-so than it would to most. I however feel nothing for it and everything/anything like it.

I want to put in the effort for this thing like this person does but I have not the time to do anything special. I want to at least do something and I'm fully prepared to cement over what I feel and put on a smile; hide how I really feel- or rather hide what I can't feel - and join in with everything.

I'm doing all I can, right? Yet this person means so much to me, seems to be upset with me.

I don't think this is a rant, more like a conundrum I can't seem to understand. You're welcome to try and riddle me this.

People have different emotions for these things. I think maybe just being honest that this doesn't have the same feeling for you, but you want to be there for them for it. If they're still techy about it, then I'm not sure, but being honest about it is the best course of action. It may be that they're picking up you're faking how you feel which can annoy/upset people more.

They know how I feel, that's no secret.

I just don't want to spoil the thing itself and at least pretend that it means a lot to me too. I can't feel for something I don't really get excited about.

What else could I do.

Well nothing has been going exactly right since the beginning of the month. Stuck in this god dam city which I pretty much dislike everyone/everything around here. I was forced out of a place because of people being selfish and expecting me to do more than stuff that I could not really do. I am trying to get a move up to Liverpool towards the end of the year and I'm just hoping everything will work well and that I can get a job.

Job hunting I have been going everywhere time and time again and I'm just getting no where with it. Even with Saturday I had a job interview at 10am and I was like left at half 7-8 to make sure I get there on time. I walked to the underground station and just missed the first train in. I got a second one 15 minutes later and then took about 10 minutes to get to where I want to go. Missed the bus as it came out the station and its one of those 5-10 minute buses that come along. Figured it would be okay since it was half 8 and its a simple 50 minute bus ride. Waited around 40 minutes and it 10 past 9 and I got the bus but was stuck in traffic and ended up 20 minutes late where they rejected me from getting an interview. Every time I reported and made a complaint they just didn't care. The police never cared when I was being pushed about and out onto a street being threatened. And I've been robbed a good £200 of my stuff.

Also having phone bills coming down me and I'm trying to cancel the gym to save my money but they wouldn't be able to do so.


Well thats the first part of it.

Now my 20th birthday was last sunday. Not really got any birthday messages really and just been money restricted, not being able to go out anywhere and just in a new place with no where to go. So all i spent my day was cleaning the house. So just a normal day.


And to top it off I get messages from my mother that last night my Granddad was going to pass away soon and that tomorrow my dog who has been around for 12 years is going to go as well. So i'm kind of distressed and I have no idea what to feel nor do I have any chance to go out to places to just have a time out for once in time.


So October has pretty much gone rubbish and I can't even meet friends without having to have some people I don't really want to associate with after hearing what they do coming along and making the situation awkward as hell. Its like I just want time to see MY friends and I don't want people I don't know or like to come along because I have a strange feeling something has been going on and I do not like it.



I have personal dealings going on with my life and wanting to be having some processes started but until I move out of London to a place where I know I can be with people, its just pretty much gonna be messed up with my mind.

I'm at my limit. I can't deal with it all. Almost everyone I know has taken sides against me when there are no sides to take. I know I'm at fault, I've never denied that. I feel so isolated and alone. There's only one person I can talk to, and she's already done all she can.

I know that feel. Its horrible of how biased people can be and will always take that one side...

Two words: Grand Mother. Ugh, I just... Ugh. Go away.

Eclipse, Liverpool must be comfortable for you. I personally am not very fond of Liverpool, I think I'd like it more if I spent time around the new part (Liverpool 1), but all in all it never really stuck with me.

I've always been fond of London, because there's so much to do and the energy that's in it. However I can see how it gets isolated and depressing at times. I find that often it's the people who are in the city that make the city, sometimes.


Also Climber, I still like you :3