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28 Nov 2011 - 17:3675132
Quote NixieThePixie:
Factory work

IF YOU DO ANYTHING THAT IS CONSIDERED DANGEROUS YOU WILL RECEIVE A DISCIPLINARY!!

However, the following things are perfectly acceptable;

sticking plastic cups to others helmets
seeing how much stuff you can pile up without it falling over
throwing plastic
throwing pasta (the pots or the pasta pieces)
flicking pasta
throwing sauce pots
juggling
ninja throwing stuff
jumping over conveyor belts
sliding along the floor cause sauce has spilt on it
taping up other employees
playing giant jenga with the boxes you're suppose to rework

In fact, we encourage that you play giant jenga. It makes rework a bit different


Man that sounds like fun... xD


29 Nov 2011 - 21:4475178
That everyone saves their holiday time until the end of the year.


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30 Nov 2011 - 09:4175196
Quote Ice-climber:
That everyone saves their holiday time until the end of the year.


^this.

We struggle to fit our holidays in, as we cannot afford to lose too much time at work. Backlogs for one week can take 3 months to shift.


07 Dec 2011 - 03:3275520
Things that you will discover whilst Working for Luxury Retailers



You never have a pen handy when you need it. You have to tip the place upside down to find one.

Manufacturing faults include shoving your heels into an escalator, running on a tread mill in heels and snapping them mid lunge at the gym and spilling 9 different questionable liquids on it.

The Manufacturing faults are your fault

Eating in the store is equivalent to saying they smell.

Women's feet always have black cheese when wearing pumps

You are always wrong about the shoe size despite working there.

Telling them you are right means a complaint to head office.

Talking in a calm voice is apparently "being loud and rude"

Telling a customer to calm down is accusing them of being [insert derogatory comment here]

Customer Relations always have a person whose name sounds like the should be related to someone who was in the the Nazi Regimen and acts like it: like Fuerer

You are always wrong when the customer is talking

Apparently it's safe for children to be playing near glass doors that swing sideways, metal objects loaded with products, slabs of wood and Perspex and tonnes of adults bigger than them.

Spreading your fake tan/ foundation/ grease makes a pair of shoes look even more attractive.

The store is a restauraunt with a view

You will always find poo on your nice tiles often from a grotty customer.

You shouldn't try. All the other customers do that for you and waste your time conveniently.


Apparently you are racist for refusing a return that is out of its date.


Stretching your shoes because your feet are too big is a manufacturing fault.

The ideal work space and stock room is the size of 2 Mazarati's and should contain a million products.

Saying we dont have something in stock is like telling them to **** off?

Slutty shoes can be worn to Christenings, Eid and Barmistivahs with scanty knickers and low rise dresses.


Some ladie's heels are bigger than some men's penis'.

Knowing that emasculates men and sends them in the opposite direction - towards a nearby curry's

Women knowing this find pleasurable usages for their heels other than wearing them.



Last edited by Manticore (07 Dec 2011 - 04:01)
07 Dec 2011 - 11:1875531
From years ago working in a supermarket *coughtescocough*

- If you are in your uniform and have armfuls of crisps and are proceding to put them onto the shelf most customers will ask "Do you work here?"

- A Shoplifters favourite thing to steal is Bacon...

- Customers that don't speak english well and want cigarrettes will generally point at the fag cabinet and it will become a guessing game as to which brand they want

- School children are stupid enough to come in and try to buy fags/booze in school uniform...

- Its fine for the local drunk to come into the shop with his ferrets and demand a bottle of whiskey, if you refuse to sell him said bottle as he is drunk then a pineapple is fine too..

When I worked in a bookshop *coughTheWorkscough*

- You can sell 200 rolls of cellotape in one day if you try hard enough (especially if you convince an old woman she needs a roll for each room of her house)

- older gentlemen will brazenly buy cheap porn DVD boxsets and smile whilst doing so...

My current job as a flight ops assistant in the RAF

-generally pilots are as thick as two short planks



Last edited by Numta (07 Dec 2011 - 11:37)
07 Dec 2011 - 13:1975541
Quote Numta3:
From years ago working in a supermarket *coughtescocough*

- If you are in your uniform and have armfuls of crisps and are proceding to put them onto the shelf most customers will ask "Do you work here?"

- A Shoplifters favourite thing to steal is Bacon...

- Customers that don't speak english well and want cigarrettes will generally point at the fag cabinet and it will become a guessing game as to which brand they want

- School children are stupid enough to come in and try to buy fags/booze in school uniform...

- Its fine for the local drunk to come into the shop with his ferrets and demand a bottle of whiskey, if you refuse to sell him said bottle as he is drunk then a pineapple is fine too..

When I worked in a bookshop *coughTheWorkscough*

- You can sell 200 rolls of cellotape in one day if you try hard enough (especially if you convince an old woman she needs a roll for each room of her house)

- older gentlemen will brazenly buy cheap porn DVD boxsets and smile whilst doing so...

My current job as a flight ops assistant in the RAF

-generally pilots are as thick as two short planks


LMFAO! Foreign Fag Pictionary! Those were the days! It's a good thing its spaniards and frenchies that do that. But your screwed if it's a Nigerian or any other race not neighbouring the UK.

And Old men and porn lol. Those Gutsy OAP's


07 Dec 2011 - 14:0775543
Some of these are great. Here's some of mine.

Working for a large fast food franchise - closing staff

*If you can Ajax well you will be doing it for the rest of your working life with this company.

*Turning off the main grills at night gives you an overwhelming sense of pleasure.

*The fire system handles are ridiculously tempting to pull. Thankfully a video was shown to show the results which puts you off.

*When a bomb threat is reported you realise how dangerous the place you work for as the entire street is cleared due to the large gas canisters it has to run things like the drinks.

*No matter where you work in the place you will always leave smelling of chicken

*You will become awesome at aiming the sauce gun.

*This place has some of the best work parties.

A dresser/wardrobe assistant at a well known theatre

*No matter how quiet your shoes are they will always creak/squeak at the quiet part of the play

* Shoelaces will knot at the worst possible timing.

* Just a small grab of your own neck in slight wince will result in an instant neck rub from an attractive cast member

* Ironing 40 shirts in one sitting is a new form of torture.

* You'll discover a love for black clothing.

* Actors panic easily but are an amazing bunch of people.

*You'll become incredibly close with everyone even if you only do a show for a week. When the show ends it like your loosing touch with family.

* Lacing up ballerinas into corsets is a new form of sadistic pleasure.


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Last edited by Sephirayne (07 Dec 2011 - 14:07)
07 Dec 2011 - 14:4775545
I'm seriously loving how this thread is going ahahaha


More from me;
- "Dinner Hour" is fictional. You will learn to eat as you work throughout the day

- It is entirely possible to drive to tesco, buy sandwiches etc for everyone, and munch a whole bag of doughnuts to yourself on the drive way back. Same with the £4 tray of Sushi. Your excuse for this is "How else will I grow up big and strong?"

- You will learn to modify food and drink to eat on the go, and carry as sustainance. Such examples are:
-Mug of Soup, no, not cup-a-soup. Chunky baxters soup, spoon is not neccessary.
-Plastic Bottle of Tea. Also doubles up as a hand warmer
-Jellybeans in the back pocket
-6 weetabix in a tupperware tub with milk makes a 10 minute snack. I'm not joking.

- Left over glowsticks from conventions are invaluable to the engineers on site in the darker months.

- It is not funny to put a "flammable" label on someone's bottle of tea as it then gets sent for incineration and the twat who put the label on gets to find out what it's like doing stock count on 200,000 lab smalls.

- Don't **** with the Operations Manager's Tea. (I am the Operations Manager.)


08 Dec 2011 - 22:1175609
Quote Sephirayne:


* Just a small grab of your own neck in slight wince will result in an instant neck rub from an attractive cast member

* Ironing 40 shirts in one sitting is a new form of torture.

* You'll discover a love for black clothing.

* Actors panic easily but are an amazing bunch of people.

*You'll become incredibly close with everyone even if you only do a show for a week. When the show ends it like your loosing touch with family.

* Lacing up ballerinas into corsets is a new form of sadistic pleasure.


I LOVE YOU!

OMG! I feels like I hit an old spot in my memory that went "Twang" like a Country guitar.. GOD how I MISS THIS!

And

Quote Sephirayne:


* Just a small grab of your own neck in slight wince will result in an instant neck rub from an attractive cast member


;_;

This has never happened... please! MORE!


13 Dec 2011 - 22:3975894
Being an administration apprentice.

- Everything is personally your fault (according to complainants)

- A director's scarf can be made into a caterpillar (another director will join in with this ^.^)

- Printers don't discriminate, they hate all humans.

- You can tell people numerous times that someone's retired, they will still send them a load of post.

- Directors and even borough Councillors are not as scary as you may think they will be.

- Little ways to suppress rage over the afformentioned printers.

- People love to drink coffee... though making it on the other hand...

- You need to send numerous emails and make a few calls... just to get some paper cups.

From temping in a card shop

- Customers will get pissy if you don't know the postcode for another branch of the store.

From another admin position (kitchen manufacturing company)

- There are people (keep in mind, the company I temped at made the kitchens for kitchen retailers which were either then sold on to customers or were a custom order from customers so people are expected to know a bit about kitchens never mind basic things like the following) who will call just to ask how many hinges are in a pair.



Last edited by _Aeon_ (13 Dec 2011 - 22:58)
13 Dec 2011 - 22:5175895
- Regardless of the fact he lived in the /ocean/, parents will always ask if we have a goldfish that looks like Nemo. And if you're lucky, Dory too.


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13 Dec 2011 - 23:0375897
Juggling packets of dye is not a good idea

You can meet wives of aged rock stars in upmarket salons

Dogs in hairdressers are more restrained than normal dogs

Lunch break can be more daunting than actual work


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13 Dec 2011 - 23:1675900
- It's always my fault that the hamster bit your little scrot, even though I told you they aren't yet tame and it's a bad idea to poke it in the face.

- You can get anyone to round to a pound if you're sickly sweet enough.

- The same applies for selling charity raffle tickets.

- Or generally selling any charity-related product!

- People can and WILL buy their dogs a doggie advent calendar.

- There are some people who really, honestly, truly believe that 'My dog chewed it up' is a viable reason for returning a dog toy.


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13 Dec 2011 - 23:3175903
Factory:

Big bottoms ARE NOT loved. The screw up EVERYTHING


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Ayacon Plans
13 Dec 2011 - 23:3475904
Another card shop one:

- Musical balloons will amuse employees more than customers.


14 Dec 2011 - 18:0675927
Quote Manticore:
Quote Sephirayne:


* Just a small grab of your own neck in slight wince will result in an instant neck rub from an attractive cast member

* Ironing 40 shirts in one sitting is a new form of torture.

* You'll discover a love for black clothing.

* Actors panic easily but are an amazing bunch of people.

*You'll become incredibly close with everyone even if you only do a show for a week. When the show ends it like your loosing touch with family.

* Lacing up ballerinas into corsets is a new form of sadistic pleasure.


I LOVE YOU!

OMG! I feels like I hit an old spot in my memory that went "Twang" like a Country guitar.. GOD how I MISS THIS!

And

Quote Sephirayne:


* Just a small grab of your own neck in slight wince will result in an instant neck rub from an attractive cast member


;_;

This has never happened... please! MORE!


Glad to have given you a trip down memory lane.

The neck rub was one of the best I've ever had. Sadly, I only one through out the entire production.

I would relay the stunt work ones but then I would have to nuke the board XD.


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14 Dec 2011 - 21:3475934
I would relay the stunt work ones but then I would have to nuke the board XD.
Please do so, this is an ace thread.


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Joshua
14 Dec 2011 - 23:4475938
As a Testing Technician:

- One boss will always want a job finished in 3 days, even when it's a 4 day job.

- These jobs generally come in when you're got loads of other work on.

- Despite having been in the Labs for longer than the Managers have been in their jobs, your views on potential new employees will be ignored.

- The machinery will always break down at the worst possible time.


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Aliit ori'shya tal'din - "Family is more than blood."
15 Dec 2011 - 13:5775950
As a Drama Student (I know its techincally not working, but still)-

-People will think your doing a 'micky mouse' degree, until you sit them down and ask them the definition of art. (seriously, this is my fourth year and I still can't work it out)

-Production day/week will be the most stressful time of your life

-Audiences can be dicks, but they can also be wonderful

-Even if you know your lines half way through the rehersal process, there will be people STILL on book the day of the performance.

-Dress rehearsals can be disasterous, and result in your director/the worlds best tutor/the father christmas of performing arts crying, you will NOT feel good

-But usually you'll pull it together to make a brilliant performance.

- If you try to upstage someone, or get carried away on stage, the other actors will actually KILL you, same goes for over-emoting when your not the focus of the scene.

-If you have a small part, and spend 4 straight weeks making paper mache masks for 8 hours a day, the main cast will come in after rehearsals, drink in your space, do one layer of paper, badly, and them come up to you the next day and make a gigantic fuss about how they've done you a HUGE favour.

-If you have a large part, people might not like you, but if you act like a total Diva/Douch or like your way more talented then everyone else, they will HATE YOU.

-There will always be drama.

-There will always be someone who always has a problem with other cast members.

-Some cast members will come in on their days off to help, some NEVER WILL!

-People will always assume you want to be an actor.

-Some dancers are complete bitches, and a lot of the time they always look the same!

-Girls that do performing arts are some of the most glam girls in the world, and you'll love them for it

-Most acting students are addicted to musicals, and will randomly break into song.

-Anything is acceptable in performaing arts, it is literally like the worlds randomest place.

-Only in performing arts will you see.... A guy dressed in spandex, a girl (me!) dressed as a bunny, dancers rehearsing in the loos, random flash mobs, random filming.... The list goes on!


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15 Dec 2011 - 16:2675953
I work in mcdonalds and I have learned;

-when ronald mcdonald comes to the store, you MUST HIDE!!!

trust me, he is really scary lol xD


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ammersXamphetamine
15 Dec 2011 - 18:4675964
Quote Tony-Jay:
As a Testing Technician:

- One boss will always want a job finished in 3 days, even when it's a 4 day job.

- These jobs generally come in when you're got loads of other work on.

- Despite having been in the Labs for longer than the Managers have been in their jobs, your views on potential new employees will be ignored.

- The machinery will always break down at the worst possible time.


You don't happen to work at Masterfoods do you?

- When conveyor belts break they sound like someone munching on rocks


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Ayacon Plans
15 Dec 2011 - 20:1575972
Quote NixieThePixie:
Quote Tony-Jay:
As a Testing Technician:

- One boss will always want a job finished in 3 days, even when it's a 4 day job.

- These jobs generally come in when you're got loads of other work on.

- Despite having been in the Labs for longer than the Managers have been in their jobs, your views on potential new employees will be ignored.

- The machinery will always break down at the worst possible time.


You don't happen to work at Masterfoods do you?

- When conveyor belts break they sound like someone munching on rocks


Nope, I test plastic piping for the Utilities companies

- It pays to be the "Scotty" of the Labs....Always tell your bosses it'll take longer than it really will, then you look Awesome when you pull it off


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Aliit ori'shya tal'din - "Family is more than blood."
15 Dec 2011 - 21:3775975
well its neot really work related but

every bloody person i have come across when talking about what i wanna do at college

person - so what do u doing when u leave school
me - going to college and doing animal care
person - so do u wanna be a vet then
me - no i just wanna work with animals

seriously people there are more jobs in animal care other than vets


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15 Dec 2011 - 22:0075976
It saddened me to learn that those WERE the droids I was looking for.

When I worked at Cex I learned that people cant get to grips with the phrase "we're not doing cash at the moment" even after I explain our policy and the way the company works and how we are self sufficent relying on certain factors to be able to give cash. I still get a vacant stare back and a second request of how much they would get for said item.


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Last edited by Captain_Marvelous (15 Dec 2011 - 22:03)
17 Dec 2011 - 20:0476066
Quote dan-dan:
well its neot really work related but

every bloody person i have come across when talking about what i wanna do at college

person - so what do u doing when u leave school
me - going to college and doing animal care
person - so do u wanna be a vet then
me - no i just wanna work with animals

seriously people there are more jobs in animal care other than vets


I know exactly how you feel, I did animal management at college, everyone thought I wanted to be a vet, I wanted to be a Zoo Keeper!

The problem with jobs with animals is that theres not many, and they don't pay well, but if its what you want to do go for it! My course was hard but I got some brilliant experiences from it!


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