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11 Aug 2011 - 16:1566201
Quote JaeXD:
The thermal systems engineers from Munich love it when someone shouts "Ze Germans are coming! Into the bunkers!" When the fire alarm air raid siren goes off.

They just love it.


I can't stop laughing. XD I'll probably end up laughing about this again at work and get yelled at.


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11 Aug 2011 - 16:2166202
Quote Blue_Clover:
Quote JaeXD:
The thermal systems engineers from Munich love it when someone shouts "Ze Germans are coming! Into the bunkers!" When the fire alarm air raid siren goes off.

They just love it.


I can't stop laughing. XD I'll probably end up laughing about this again at work and get yelled at.


Read my first post of this thread for politically incorrect behaviour and things noticed about our european friends.

There's a lot LOT more what this lot round here do to take the piss out of each other.

Pro-tip; Germans are not Austrians, but that doesn't stop the Spanish and the English from saying "get to da choppa!!" everytime the Germans say "Get to the hopper"


(A hopper is a mini loading skip in which the processes dump the dried material for loading into the main skip)



Last edited by JaeXD (11 Aug 2011 - 16:22)
06 Oct 2011 - 20:0171749
I worked as a part-time receptionist in a doctor's practice for a little while. You learn a lot.

- GPs do not think they are GPs . They are gods.
- For some reason, no other staff member seems to support them on this.
- The GP translation for receptionist is 'coffee machine with legs'.
- Almost everybody who works for the NHS drives an Audi.
- The answer to ANY illness is paracetamol/ibuprofen. Any illness.
- Half of the time they prescribe placebos.
- Although GPs are called doctors, they actually have no such qualification.
- You are the only one who ever seems to replace the coffee filter.


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06 Oct 2011 - 23:2071782
I work in Online marketing:

* No matter how many times you say it and no matter how you say no .. the person will always try to make you agree to more advertising.

* As a person in Marketing I am only very slightly seen as less than a shark / piranha.

* Speaking to some one from Sweden who has an accent thick enough to make walls from you will find your self considering how easily it is too pass yourself as having some kind of seizure.

I can't think of any more at the mo but am sure they will come up.


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07 Oct 2011 - 06:1571789
In my time whenever I go shopping, I have learned that alot of OAPs just do not give a rats ass about anybody or anything in their path.

The amount of them who I have discovered walk deliberately slow in busy areas, seemingly just to annoy passers by.
(Something I could rant and rave about till im blue in the face)
I can tell that alot of them are deliberate, the main giveaway being when they walk normally when their bus is pulling in at the stop, or they spotted a space in a queue!

Some of them are pretty fearless too. This one old guy walked out into the road, car incoming, and does he walk faster to get out of the way? No, he starts pointing his stick at the car, shaking it angrily at the driver, until he had finished crossing the road.
And no sooner had he finished crossing, did the lights turn red and the rest of us could cross anyway.

So yeah. OAPs, some of them are right malicious!


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07 Oct 2011 - 09:1371793
Quote MattDark:
In my time whenever I go shopping, I have learned that alot of OAPs just do not give a rats ass about anybody or anything in their path.

The amount of them who I have discovered walk deliberately slow in busy areas, seemingly just to annoy passers by.
(Something I could rant and rave about till im blue in the face)
I can tell that alot of them are deliberate, the main giveaway being when they walk normally when their bus is pulling in at the stop, or they spotted a space in a queue!

Some of them are pretty fearless too. This one old guy walked out into the road, car incoming, and does he walk faster to get out of the way? No, he starts pointing his stick at the car, shaking it angrily at the driver, until he had finished crossing the road.
And no sooner had he finished crossing, did the lights turn red and the rest of us could cross anyway.

So yeah. OAPs, some of them are right malicious!
I think I love you, man.


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07 Oct 2011 - 12:4871808
- No matter how tough you think you are, no matter what kind of trials or ordeals you have been put through. Nothing can compare to the horror of going 2 days without tea or coffee in the canteen.

- The coffee at work is made from ash and shame. Yet it's too much for anyone to go out and buy some more for a quid, but alright for them to go out and spend £3.70 on a double cheeseburger from the burger van, come back and complain about the coffee.

- Most people hate each other. You know it, you can see it. Yet nothing is done about it. It's all false smiles and cheery hellos.

- Receptionists have a default, plastic cheery personality. Inside they are broken and depressing. Don't ever get to know one, she'll not put as much effort into making the coffee when she knows she doesn't have to try.


07 Oct 2011 - 13:0771809
That women have nasty toejam


07 Oct 2011 - 13:2371810
That ensuring your workplace is Velociraptor free ...




... is also something we should ensure outside of work.

- My work ... I saw this the other day had to make my own .. also had to ensure office building was Velociraptor free before putting it up.


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07 Oct 2011 - 19:2571832
I have discovered that if a meeting is cancelled, but they have forgot to cancel the food for the meeeting, you get a free meal!

Everyone in my office got to enjoy some bacon-buttys, before we were then given the lunch 'buffet', because the meeting was meant to have been all day!

---

Also, if your dealing with some faceless services, who think they can dictate how you fill in your bosses forms, differantly to the way you are meant to, it amazing how a strong-worded reply, which also happens to be sent to their boss shuts them up!

Because I work with a 3rd party in the school now, rather then the school itself, we have to fill in job sheets to say what we are doing.
Problem was, the guys who have to write these reports got real snooty trying to get everyone to fill in data that couldnt be filled in, like what teacher a srudent has come from, when its break/dinner. Or any error messages they are getting, when they have lost something like a card...

They soon shut up when they found out they were pissing off not just myself and some other technicians, but when they tried it on with a teacher who was reporting a problem, and instantly reported the guys comment to the head teacher.


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07 Oct 2011 - 19:3071834
Quote faramon:
- My work ... I saw this the other day had to make my own .. also had to ensure office building was Velociraptor free before putting it up.


I love stuff like this. We used to get upto this back before the school moved locations.

We did a mock-up of an ex head of buisiness, because he acted like he was a bit of a dealer, thought he knew where to get good computers and the like for cheap, yet wasnt opposed to taking school property back home with him (Alot of which never made it back when he left for another job)

Because of this, we posted flyers around the school offices, with him as del-boy, right next to the trotter-mobile, with the quote 'Want some moniter for cheap? lovely jubly!'

That was probably the nicest thing we did to him in his time there!


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07 Oct 2011 - 19:3771835
Quote JaeXD:
- Receptionists have a default, plastic cheery personality. Inside they are broken and depressing. Don't ever get to know one, she'll not put as much effort into making the coffee when she knows she doesn't have to try.


Our souls hve been slowly eroded by the mindless banalities of life from a swivel chair.

On a side note, I am well practised in the ways of coffee making. I love me some coffee. :3


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07 Oct 2011 - 20:2471842
On work experience the world of work taught me
a few things.

- If you work in an office time goes 6x slower than normal. This is a fact and can probably be proven by scientists....

- You must take advantage of the free stationery at your desk. I mean, those sticky notes don't doodle themselves...

- You need a degree in science to figure out where the paper tray is on the printer, I mean who needs one of those big ass scanner things anyway.. T_T

Finally, imagine someone says 'Hey would you like a coffee?, im off to get one?' you say 'sure thanks' when they come back they give you the coffee and say 'thats £3.00 please' Whatttt? so much for a good deed LOL


07 Oct 2011 - 20:3271844
Quote Han Hyuga:

- The customers will always ask questions which can be answered by big signs conveniently placed right in front of them.
- Old people can be exceptionally rude.


I second these. And I have learned that;

-You will always manage to find broken Baguette's in the gardening section.

-Stickering cheese is a lot harder than it looks.

-People will often ask you to help them locate something, and it is literally right in front of them.

-If you're asked to do some filing in the office for a day, say no. Paper cuts are not your best friend.

-If something is left at the checkout in appauling condition you will still be asked to put it back in the hope that someone might buy it...

Quote Black-Cat-1:
- You need a degree in science to figure out where the paper tray is on the printer, I mean who needs one of those big ass scanner things anyway.. T_T

I share your pain.


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07 Oct 2011 - 20:3571845
- You will be loved and remembered for bringing your co-worker a cup of tea when she cannot leave her till because they're brand new and no-one else knows how to use them

- You will also be remembered for getting the tea exactly right even though you don't drink tea. It's just you've remembered the colour from when she made one this morning.

- If you make one cup of tea for someone, you will be asked to make some another hot beverage for another.

yes, I became the "person who makes the tea" when the new till were being fitted. I didn't mind, cause when you have three people and only one trained on the new tills, you kinda run out of things to do.

- that member of staff who was supportive about you leaving and said that she understood why cause of the distance and the fact that you were planning on house sharing with your friends and this job wasn't stable enough? Yeah, she was bitching behind your back about it.


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07 Oct 2011 - 20:5271847
Quote abcity:
Quote JaeXD:
- Receptionists have a default, plastic cheery personality. Inside they are broken and depressing. Don't ever get to know one, she'll not put as much effort into making the coffee when she knows she doesn't have to try.


Our souls hve been slowly eroded by the mindless banalities of life from a swivel chair.

On a side note, I am well practised in the ways of coffee making. I love me some coffee. :3


You've been engineered to woo me, haven't you?


07 Oct 2011 - 21:1171849
Quote JaeXD:
You've been engineered to woo me, haven't you?


No. Only for coffee. But wooing is an option.


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Last edited by abcity (07 Oct 2011 - 23:41)
08 Oct 2011 - 17:3771893
I have had a LOT of random jobs in my time, so heres what I lernt in a few of them.

At an ice cream cart thing in a shopping center
-Once a day all chavs will run and converge on a single spot because of a fight, it will be hilarious, and puzzling to watch.

-If theres a bomb scare the customers will be evacuated, you won't.

-It takes a while to get used to being refered to as 'The Lady'

- Your boss will think they can get rid of you just before the 6 month mark (when you start getting rights as an employee) without any repercussions, I proved them wrong.


At a bingo hall (before the smoking ban came into effect)
- No matter how nice your hair is before you go into work, it will always smell of fags 3 hours later.

- Even if the hall is nice and clean when you start it will be practically foggy with the amount of fag smoke at the end of your shift.

-People will sit in the most out of the way places, and they will call bingo, and you'll have to run all the way to the back, and up the stairs, to check their claim.

- You can sit at a desk for an hour and a half with nothing to do and noone to talk to, but doodling on MS Paint is a SIN!

- If theres a ghost in your bingo hall, it will pick on you, and you will wet yourself.

-Even if people have been there a shorter time then you, if you dress differently from the rest of the staff and NOT a total chav, when its time to let someone go it will be you!

In various pubs and resturants
-When someone says 'and yours' the amount you take out of their change varies from pub to pub.

-After your first night working the staff will tell you the story of the ghost, you will be terrifed for the rest of the time you work there.

-Regulars in 'Old Man' pubs will remeber you FOREVER!

-Your boss will think its all right for you to work 10 hours over night without a break. But if you smoke you can go on a break whenever you want.

-The area where the glass washer is hidden is one of the best places to hid for a rest.

Thats all I can recall about now! Maybe more later.


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09 Oct 2011 - 08:4871937
Quote ClosetFanGirl:
-Your boss will think its all right for you to work 10 hours over night without a break. But if you smoke you can go on a break whenever you want.

That one in particular I totally know what you're on about! I actually know for a fact that some people at my old job actually started smoking just so they could get more breaks.

Why can't the healthy people get some kind of special break, too?!


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09 Oct 2011 - 10:0671938
Quote Han Hyuga:
Why can't the healthy people get some kind of special break, too?!


"But boss, I'm dying for a carrot..."


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Last edited by abcity (09 Oct 2011 - 10:07)
10 Oct 2011 - 01:1272008
Quote abcity:
Quote Han Hyuga:
Why can't the healthy people get some kind of special break, too?!


"But boss, I'm dying for a carrot..."


lol, I just got the vision of all these people huddled in a bus shelter in the rain "smoking" carrots.





Last edited by Kata-san (10 Oct 2011 - 01:14)
10 Oct 2011 - 06:1872010
Quote Black-Cat-1:
- You need a degree in science to figure out where the paper tray is on the printer, I mean who needs one of those big ass scanner things anyway.. T_T


Not just that, if its one of those large printer-copiers, you may as well take an exam to say you know how to use it.
The amount of kids I see who cant get it to scan for them, because they keep putting the paper in the wrong way. (Face-up instead of face down)
Even more who are clueless when it comes to using their ID cards to log-in (despite all of them been shown how)


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10 Oct 2011 - 07:5572011
- That Poo poo always lightens up a persons day.

-It's our fault the product hurts you

-We're supposed to provide aftercare like the NHS

-Kids are safe in a metal and glass clad environment

-Synthetic makes your feet stink

-Opening a bag can be a Science too.

-Stupidity is no indiscriminate- it targets all

-You're not qualified to do manual labour with experience

-Sweating in a suit or whilst looking smart is attractive

-No means Yes


10 Oct 2011 - 08:4872013
Quote Manticore:
- That Poo poo always lightens up a persons day.
EAT DA POO POO?!

That usually makes me laugh, I have to admit. XP


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25 Nov 2011 - 20:3874983
Factory work

IF YOU DO ANYTHING THAT IS CONSIDERED DANGEROUS YOU WILL RECEIVE A DISCIPLINARY!!

However, the following things are perfectly acceptable;

sticking plastic cups to others helmets
seeing how much stuff you can pile up without it falling over
throwing plastic
throwing pasta (the pots or the pasta pieces)
flicking pasta
throwing sauce pots
juggling
ninja throwing stuff
jumping over conveyor belts
sliding along the floor cause sauce has spilt on it
taping up other employees
playing giant jenga with the boxes you're suppose to rework

In fact, we encourage that you play giant jenga. It makes rework a bit different


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