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22 Jul 2011 - 11:2163931
Odd things you've learned at work about the world
You'll get the hang of this.

I Work in a hazardous waste management company. These are things I've learned:

- Never underestimate the stupidity of Agency Temps
- ALWAYS assume an agency temp takes recreational drugs.
- Killing off half the population with a noxious acid cloud is only 3 steps away from me.
- Never do breakfast contract brokering meetings with Russians, moscow vodka does NOT make for a nutritious start to the day.
- The German engineers have the best jokes.
- The Germans don't do sarcasm.
- The diagnostic and power tools the Germans use could easily be used to take over part of england with minimal effort.
- Catering grade instant coffee is made of ash, brown colouring, and shame.
- The Germans have the best coffee.
- Don't drink Russian coffee.
- Laughing uncontrollably when using any cleansing equipment that utilises fire will have you banned from using it pending a pyschological test.
- Taking 3 pysch tests in 2 months warrants concern.
- Don't drink german coffee prior to a pysch test
- You need to be pyschopathic insane stabby killy mode to fail a pysch test, anything and everything below that is "fine by us".
- Chin ups on the cherry picker are dangerous, extreme chin ups on the cherry picker are dangerously awesome.
- The Spanish like to compare how hairy legs are.

Most importantly:
- For all the recycling you will do as an individual, you're better off thinking that you will make a difference. Unfortunatley the world doesn't operate like this.

- Don't ever.. EEEVERR smell anything someone hands you if they say "does this smell like almonds to you?"


I've got a lot more, but I wanna hear yours :3



Last edited by JaeXD (22 Jul 2011 - 11:22)
22 Jul 2011 - 11:5063937
Working as a retail assistant at a tourist destination, and doing part time in a mail order centre

- The customer is never right
- Don't talk about anything to the staff if you don't want it spread about
- Working in a office isn't actually that bad
- If you're a girl, don't expect people with dogs to listen to you saying "sorry, dogs aren't allowed past this point" or words to such extent
- DON'T tell your boss you're not in a relationship. Even though he can't remember your name, he WILL remember that bit of information
- You are now known as rhubarb to the boss - cause he still can't remember your name
- Anything that happens in Mail Order STAYS in Mail Order
- Likewise, you don't talk about the gift shop either
- Chatting to the jewellery shop staff is not allowed - even if the gift shop is so empty you could hear a spider scuttle
- It's either freezing cold or boiling hot
- No matter how many times you bring up the fact that there are places that let in water, they will still not do anything about it
- Mail order is made of win and awesome
- Some people are just utterly stupid. Despite being their second year at work, they STILL can't do refunds, whereas someone who's been there for 5 minutes has already picked it up
- It's not the boss you should worry about, but the boss's son
- "Seasonal" can be from May 1st - August 31st or April 1st - Decemeber 31st. Just make sure if you're the longer one, you don't mention it to the shorter one
- Bumblebees are stupid. No matter how many times you let them out of the shop, they'll fly in again straight away
- Sandringham Visitor Centre has our products... but they're about twice as much
- Mail Order put up the prices too. No idea why
- We get 25% off. But the prices are about about 75% increased from the wholesale price
- Mail Order plays practical jokes
- If a customer breaks something 99.99% of the time they will quickly leave the area
- CCTV does not deter shop lifters
- Some people do not know that you have to put all your post code down. Half of it will not do
- We stay open all year round. Why? No clue
- Your manager will always forget what she was doing
- Watch out for customers bearing a piece of the plant that grows by the tea rooms. It smells of cat pee
- Tour guides only act happy. They're actually really cynical
- Your granny swears


__________________
Ayacon Plans

Last edited by NixieThePixie (22 Jul 2011 - 14:08)
22 Jul 2011 - 12:0163939
From working at Pizza Hut:

-As soon as a customer walks through those doors, they leave any intelligence they may have had behind.
-A little kindness goes a long way, being a git makes the waiting staff hate you an therefore your life harder.
-All you can eat attracts the scum of the universe to your restaurant
-Rich people are often the most tight fisted.
-A good manager manages, they don't try to do your f***ing job for you.
-The waitressing industry attracts some of the bitchiest people you will ever meet.
-Not everyone is cut out to be a parent


__________________


22 Jul 2011 - 12:5063943
I have one:

Some people are unable to get my name the right way around.. :S


22 Jul 2011 - 12:5363944
Working in retail

Even if you know your right if there is someone higher then you, you are therefore wrong.

If you are younger than your coleges, you don't know anythingn

If you are eating your dinner you will be asked to move or asked to help someone out

People have alterior motives

If you do an amazing job be sure they will find something wrong with what you've done


__________________
"i don't like your plan.....It sucks"

(\__/)
(+'.'+) This is Bunni, say hello to Bunni
(")_(")

22 Jul 2011 - 12:5763947
From working in the post and correspondence department of a leading energy company;

- While talking to angry customers may not be fun, reading letters from them is hilarious
- Old people do not have a censor function.
- They are also hilarious, whether it be cynically or stupidly
- People will tell you to not use so much paper... on paper
- Our company is sh*t at just about everything
- People only send in letters because, from what they can tell, only 2 people work on the phones
- We're trying to steal the money of everyone over 65
- The head of customer services reads everyone's letters
- He is also a made up person and doesn't exist (This one can be easily proven wrong due to the fact this guy is my UNCLE)


__________________
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London October Expo - Saturday: Fluttershy (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

http://www.youtube.com/user/jmemmerson

Last edited by jmemmerson (22 Jul 2011 - 14:34)
22 Jul 2011 - 13:0263948
Workingmans club -

-You will get yelled at at least once a week by a drunken customer.

-You will get whistled at like a dog, or they will knock the bar to gain attention.

-Comity men are always right and must be served first.

-You must always smile even when the customers are telling you disgusting stories or being aggressive.

-The boss will tell you, you can serve under-age people as long as there are no inspectors are around.

-Don't take anything to heart, even if they are picking holes in your personal appearance.


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22 Jul 2011 - 13:1663949
Quote jmemmerson:
- While talking to angry customers may not be fun, reading letters from them is hilarious


- It's also amusing when someone has left a stupidly long message compaining on the answer machine. Especially when they're talking to the Mail Order manager like he's a very naughty boy


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Ayacon Plans
22 Jul 2011 - 13:2563950
From working as an administrator:

1.) No matter how many times I teach the company's Managing Director how to cut and paste, he will forget.
2.) Although I have been working here for 6 months it is still entirely possible for me to have made a mistake on a contract done a year ago.
3.) People will blame anyone else for their mistakes. When confronted with evidence they will deny any finger pointing they do.
4.) Printers are evil. No printer, you cannot just uninstall yourself whenever you feel like it. You will stay installed.
5.) When calling people who have sent CVs in for jobs be prepared for the following line, "Awww I didn't want THIS job."
6.) 'Going home early' means finishing at 16:45 instead of 17:00.
7.) The MD will forget your name and refer to you as Tinkerbell to everyone, including people outside of the company.
8.) Utility companies are the most frustrating people to work with. Changing their policy every five minutes is completely acceptable. If you argue, you are wrong. If you provide proof that everything was sent in before the deadline, you are still wrong.

There's most likely more but oh well.



Last edited by phalor (22 Jul 2011 - 13:26)
22 Jul 2011 - 13:5163951
Quote phalor:
From working as an administrator:

2.) Although I have been working here for 6 months it is still entirely possible for me to have made a mistake on a contract done a year ago.


- Apparently Pizza Hut serves food that we don't stock, because the customer says so and therefore they MUST be right. It doesn't matter that I've been working there for 6 years and never even heard of the product. I must be new.

Blah, thank God I don't work int he service industry any more


__________________


22 Jul 2011 - 14:0563952
Just a note guys; this is a public forum. If your points aren't light hearted and you currently work there I'd advise you to only state your type of work rather than actual company you work for



Last edited by Amy-Lou (22 Jul 2011 - 14:55)
22 Jul 2011 - 14:1563954
meh, I don't work for them any more. Besides, the current employees are loud enough about their views... So not really a problem for me, I'm not about to get fired any time soon, but it is indeed a fair point


__________________



Last edited by j_mercuryuk (22 Jul 2011 - 15:38)
22 Jul 2011 - 14:2263955
Quote DizzieDee:
Workingmans club..


Good gravy. I thought I had it bad when I worked in a 'Spoons at uni.

Those working men are probably the kind of haulier drivers i get at work. Some are quite pleasant, others are.. just very very wrong men.

Quote phalor:

6.) 'Going home early' means finishing at 16:45 instead of 17:00.


On paper I do 40 hours a week. Each day I start at 8am, finish at 6pm. I don't think the maths is correct..

I have a PA, my role is that of Operations Manager. It's essentially the role of "Making sure everything works as it should, no-one dies and we don't break the law"...Every single day it's a struggle.

But I know what it's like getting kicked by a manager so I try to be a nice manager for my assistant. I've just asked her if she has anything to add (aha yeah I'm wasting time at work) and she says:

- Never walk into the men's changing room no matter how many times you're told its "ok". Everyone else might be, but that's no excuse.
- Don't smile at the yard workers. They will think you want to sex them.
- Keep the biscuit tin well out of sight
- Medicinal companies do horrific things to animals, never look at photos of open skips from certain companies.


22 Jul 2011 - 14:3063957
Erm well ive had quite a few different jobs....erm....in france I learned about the importance of corsets and makeup XD

At Cex I learned...that no matter how many good films and games you get in 90 percent of the people are gonna buy Transformers and Fifa

and working in the volunteer sector? erm..that most charities are crooked! and you arent allowed to say disabled or anything like that XD


__________________
22 Jul 2011 - 14:4263958
Quote ryukredapples:

and working in the volunteer sector? erm..that most charities are crooked! and you arent allowed to say disabled or anything like that XD


I recently went into my university disability support office for an assesment, and I was in the flow of discussing something with the person in charge of my case and said something like "Oh yes, under those conditions my eyes are totally normal"
The whole room fell silent and looked at me, and she wispered "we don't use the n word here."

...well how else am I supposed to describe it?


22 Jul 2011 - 15:1563961
Quote J-Po:
Working in retail

Even if you know your right if there is someone higher then you, you are therefore wrong.

If you are younger than your coleges, you don't know anythingn

If you are eating your dinner you will be asked to move or asked to help someone out

People have alterior motives

If you do an amazing job be sure they will find something wrong with what you've done


I agree 100% esp where I work and you forgot to mention there is always one person who stinks of pee.

I had one guy who come to my till and he was all scabby and he STUNK! and he just looked like a mong. he paid by cash and it made my skin crawl I had to go wash my hands after and use a sanitiser it was that bad

also p.s Never date a work colleague, it never works out


22 Jul 2011 - 15:1863962
Oh and I learned all about Ben 10 and Power Rangers off a little boy. I get that alot on the tills, Kids telling me all about their fave tv shows when they buy something relating to the product.


22 Jul 2011 - 15:4263967
Quote L4dyPaiNe_X:

I agree 100% esp where I work and you forgot to mention there is always one person who stinks of pee.


Pee or some other strange smelling substance...


__________________
Ayacon Plans
22 Jul 2011 - 15:4663968
Current Work:

-You'll be surprised how far a smile and a bright happy attitude can get you.

:shrug: I felt like putting a happier one in there


__________________


22 Jul 2011 - 16:0363970
Whilst working at a Cinema:

1) It doesn't matter if you are working towards a degree, working at a cinema means you are an idiot and therefore it is every customers right to speak to you as if you are completely stupid.
2) If the screen is not ready yet it is your fault even though you're only the person checking tickets and so not responsible for cleaning the screens.
3) Sweeping popcorn/sweets etc under the seats is classed as "cleaning".
4) There will always be lazy members of staff who are allowed to spend all day in the staff room and not actually do any work because the team leaders are their best friends.

Whilst working at a hospital:
1) They are not "patients" they are "clients".
2) Nurses enjoy standing around talking and ignoring members of staff making deliveries who require medication to be signed for.
3) Surgicial instruments are really sharp and should be handled carefully!
4) People are very bitchy and two faced, and this is something I really hate!!
5) There is always one member of staff who will dictate which radio station is played in the department, and they will complain nonstop if it is changed.



Last edited by yumcarrots (22 Jul 2011 - 16:03)
22 Jul 2011 - 16:1163971
oh;
- the weather is your fault
- also, so is the fact the field tours have stopped
- when in doubt, blame it on health and safety or the recession


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22 Jul 2011 - 16:1463972
Quote Hannah-Kiwii:
Quote ryukredapples:

and working in the volunteer sector? erm..that most charities are crooked! and you arent allowed to say disabled or anything like that XD


I recently went into my university disability support office for an assesment, and I was in the flow of discussing something with the person in charge of my case and said something like "Oh yes, under those conditions my eyes are totally normal"
The whole room fell silent and looked at me, and she wispered "we don't use the n word here."

...well how else am I supposed to describe it?



I feel your pain! im very sensitive to any kinds of disability but yeah XD we had to call people service users...in so much that they use the service of a wheelchair, carer ect XD you know what I hate more than ignorance? literal ambiguity XD haha


__________________
22 Jul 2011 - 16:2563973
From my work (which is sort of computer programming and sort of customer services):

* People can always misspell things more creatively than you could possibly anticipate.

* People will tell you their account numbers, pins, mother's maiden names and a whole host of other information even when explicitly told not to.

* People have some really, really disturbing fantasies and are happy to share them with random customer service message systems.

* People are not able to distinguish between the 'correct' answer and the one they actually want to hear.

* Free coffee is a great work perk. Free pizza is even better.

* Bribing people with hobnobs will reliably get your tasks moved to the top of the priority queue.

* It is far better to leave a Christmas work party early and miss the events you hear stories about the next day than it is to be the cause of the stories the next day.


22 Jul 2011 - 16:3163974
Quote Storme:
* It is far better to leave a Christmas work party early and miss the events you hear stories about the next day than it is to be the cause of the stories the next day.


I'll second that! Though the stories are always more entertaining if you weren't there.


22 Jul 2011 - 16:3263976
From my previous job (highways engineering), just one thing that overarches everything:

1. Everybody thinks they know about traffic and transport better than you.


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