Login or register to post.
Login to reply  Page: « < 1 of 1 > »
22 Sep 2009 - 03:3219960
I need help being more social!
Will someone please help me learn how to talk to people properly (as is without that moment of awkward silence)?


22 Sep 2009 - 11:0519985
Quote LuBin:
Will someone please help me learn how to talk to people properly (as is without that moment of awkward silence)?


i wil talk to you. what would youlike to talk about?


22 Sep 2009 - 14:2420005
how you learn to talk to people... id say go out have a few drinks and make random convo its not too hard is it?


22 Sep 2009 - 14:4220011
I think the best way to learn is to go out there and do it. :3
I'm akward around people and I often come off as being aloof or cold because of it, but if you really give it a good go, you can make some great friends just by taking the time to say 'hi' or something. I tend to find its easier to talk to others if I have my friends present so that its not a sort of one on one with a complete stranger. XD

Some of it is lacking confidence as well maybe? I lack a lot of confidence by way of appearance and i'm always paranoid that people wont want to talk to me because of the way I look. Having a negative outlook on yourself often gives off a subconcious message of 'don't talk to me', so trying to feel posative about yourself can help a lot.

I find if their is an akward silence that its either time to say my goodbyes and continue on with what I was doing. Do try involving friends in your conversatons if you feel you're about to run out of things to say, as friends always make a conversation go on I find. Just try not to let your friends talk for you, as i've found if you let them do all the talking and simply stand there, people usually think you don't want to talk to them, or think you're too good to talk to them and as a consequence they ignore you or it becomes akward. :3


__________________

http://youtu.be/SYhgRqJeuEo - Convention Etiquette

Last edited by Member-XI (22 Sep 2009 - 14:45)
22 Sep 2009 - 14:4620012
Ahhh i konw this feeling, im good at awkward silences


__________________
~~If You'll Be My Star, I'll Be Your Sky~~
22 Sep 2009 - 17:3420019
I am one to talk until I am blue in the face (normally cos the person listening has grown so irritated with my insesent babbling that they have strangled me to cut off my air supply)

My tip is to ask people about themselves. "What do you study? Do you drive? How many siblings do you have?" etc.
I know it seems nosey, but actually most of the time it comes across as interested. People LOVE to talk about themselves. And generally they're good at it. Try to remember at least one thing you asked them about for next time you see them, and bring it up. Shows that you're showing an interest in them.

Of course, it could come across as creepy and stalkerish...


22 Sep 2009 - 18:0120020
Due to me living in the middle of nowhere I often go long periods without saying anything. And I become less and less confident with people. To the point of stuttering alot and being really tense.
And as said the only cure is going out there and talking to people, one con can bring a change in me. (So if I seem odd at a precon I'll be better the day after. XD)


__________________
22 Sep 2009 - 18:4520024
Ohh! Im like this, im so shy until someone gets me talking haha!

I find the best thing is to just say hi, or comment on somthing relevent BUT NOT THE WEATHER.
But just genrally start a convosation, people are almost always apriciative of it! ^^


03 Oct 2009 - 14:2120457
Quote Neko-Chan:
Ohh! Im like this, im so shy until someone gets me talking haha!

I find the best thing is to just say hi, or comment on somthing relevent BUT NOT THE WEATHER.
But just genrally start a convosation, people are almost always apriciative of it! ^^
but thats the british way! always about the weather though mind you when will the MET get it right


03 Oct 2009 - 15:3920458
Quote kirato:
Quote Neko-Chan:
Ohh! Im like this, im so shy until someone gets me talking haha!

I find the best thing is to just say hi, or comment on somthing relevent BUT NOT THE WEATHER.
But just genrally start a convosation, people are almost always apriciative of it! ^^
but thats the british way! always about the weather though mind you when will the MET get it right


Ah. Thats very true. But thats also the british way, its ment to rain and be 15c And it ends up being a baking summers day. Huzzar!
But thats normaly visa-versa. ^^;


03 Oct 2009 - 18:4820462
Quote Jeff_Kamiki_Jurai:
Due to me living in the middle of nowhere I often go long periods without saying anything. And I become less and less confident with people. To the point of stuttering alot and being really tense.
And as said the only cure is going out there and talking to people, one con can bring a change in me. (So if I seem odd at a precon I'll be better the day after. XD)


I have the thing where my brain moves quicker than my mouth so i tend to stutter and stammer a bit when im tired ^^ i get odd mouth spasms. its depressing that im also extremely prone to dyslexia but that dont affect me talking soo ^.^


__________________
04 Oct 2009 - 03:4420490
I'm a lot better at being able to avoid awkward silences than I was. I think there are about 3 main reasons why awkward silences happen:

1. You can't think of anything to talk about
2. You can think of stuff, but you don't think they'd be interested in it, so you just wait until you can think of something better.
3. No matter what you talk about, the other person isn't giving anything back.

Solutions:
1. can be solved by just being better at small talk. Think about why you're both in the situation you're in, which is something you have in common. Make a comment about it. Show some interest in something about the person, or his/her intentions by asking about them.

2. this can be more of a problem depending on the situation. If you're talking to someone who you think highly of, you'll be trying to make a good first impression by not saying something dumb. But most people are generally happy to be in conversation and even small inane talk is usually appreciated, and it can easily lead on to a more in depth discussion about something.
If really worried about what you're going to say, just prepare a little beforehand by thinking of topics.

3. an awkward silence in this situation is pretty much unavoidable, but you should take solace that it isn't your fault. Some people are just really apathetic.

I guess the biggest problem people have socially is that they get nervous and tongue tied. I suppose it stems from being overly concerned about what people think about you. To build your self confidence up, you need to actually have faith in what you're talking about, and that people want to hear about it. If you think of yourself as a fake, it'll show. Positive thinking helps tremendously in this area.



Last edited by Zaiburst (04 Oct 2009 - 03:54)
04 Oct 2009 - 09:1920492
Zaiburst has pretty much covered most things I'd have to say =D

Although... Prepare for a wall of text, I have a lot to say on the topic of conversations! xD

I do know how you feel though, I used to be very awkward and lacked confidence in social situations, until I set out to change that! Why, just the other day I was walking around halls with odd spiked up hair a friend did to me, and received comments such as "Only someone with confidence like you could pull off looking like a super saiyan!" I was quite shocked at that, which I guess is a remnant of my old self ;D
But yes, the point of that anecdote is that if I can do it, you can do it too~!

One of the main things I focus on when talking to new people is to keep the conversation going, because although I love pensive silence, most people don't and tend to term it as awkward silence, just like you did. I have this stock of topics I can go through with them until we get talking a lot. Very often you can ask a question or bring up a topic but the other person won't seem particularly inclined towards it. Don't be deterred, that's fine! Just cycle to another topic until you find something that gets them talking~ (I have a long mental list of those)

The weather is one of the best topics to start off with since it's so banal and affects everyone, but only if you have something interesting to say about it xD Due to being a budding meteorologist for about a week, I like to bring up facts about different types of clouds, how I don't mind that it's not sunny because I have sensitive skin (that comment started a conversation on genetics with a person once, and ended up in a debate about cloning xD ).
The art of conversation is all about how one topic leads to the other~! Although there is a fine line between being a good convertionalist and blabbing about random stuff (I wonder where I fall...).
Also, if you're shy and not too good at dealing with people, instead of leading the conversation by your own means, you can try to get the other person to talk by asking about them. People are all self centered to a certain degree and love talking about themselves xD If you're not sure about the person, start off with neutral topics like where they live, what they do at the moment, if they have any plans for the future, if they have any particular interests (food, music, books, sports, TV, films, fashion...), generally one of these or something similar will get a person talking =)

Depending on who you're talking to and what you're like personally, you can then try the serious topics 8D Very often you have to test the waters with these, although contemporary and controversial issues are the best things to get conversations going and to find out a lot about a person, their beliefs, and values. It often happens to me when I walk past a homeless person and try to bring up the debate about people escaping from our established society and not necessarily being rejected from it that I just get blank stares or mumbled/uninterested responses... So that sort of thing really varies. Also, controversial issues probably aren't the best when you don't know someone well, as you might strike a cord that could cause disagreement and unease. But politics, world issues, peace and war, religion, and all the other big topics can come in useful~ Although I suppose you do have to be wary with them.

Zaiburst said some great stuff about how to deal with what to say and how feeling confident really helps~ Especially being overly concerned about what people think about you, getting over that is what helped me the most. In the end, you are yourself, and if you respect and appreciate that other people will too
Oh, looking like you're actually interested in the conversation helps too ;D Don't look away too much, look at your feet, make dreaded "Hmmm" and "Soooo" sounds as these tend to kill a conversation xD Being aware of your body language is a great tool~ I'm sure you've heard that crossing your arms puts off people and makes you look guarded, slouching isn't particularly helpful either!

Anyway, I'll stop now, I dread to see how long this post is going to be. Hope there was something slightly helpful in all my babbling!


08 Oct 2009 - 12:1020655
I'd say as a general rule of thumb, don't do anything you're not cofortable with at first. If you're in your comfort zone then you're in control and very little can go wrong.

What's your setting? Uni? College? Working? These are ways to keep a conversation going after you've struct one up.

Also, is it social skills with members of the opposite sex? If you're attracted to girls, I cannot stress how important it is not to try and impress girls. If you keep within your comfort zone, you'll be acting natural. If you're attracted to guys, I can't really comment.

However if it is just friendly social interactions you're looking at improving, I'd say go out with your close friends more. You're pusing your boundaries a bit, but with friends around you, you're still within your comfort zone. That way if they introduce you to someone new, it should hopefully be someone who shares some interests, giving you more points of conversation.

After that, try reading the newspapers and watching the news more often. There are a lot of hot, controversial topics that come up, somme of which can be used to keep a conversation going for ages. Stuff like watching X Factor, Strictly Come Dancing etc also make great topics to speak about, since they're very popular. Knowledge is power. Stay on top of the things happening around you and you should be fine.


__________________
Login to reply  Page: « < 1 of 1 > »