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16 Feb 2009 - 11:3010800
Srs Bzns Advice Required
If you find out that one of your friends is being messed around by their boyfriend, but they're happy and don't know about it, should you tell them? I don't want to be responsible for upsetting her, as she doesn't take things well at all. But I don't want her to get hurt either, and that's what's going to happen if this keeps going on.

Anyone been in a situation like this?

16 Feb 2009 - 12:4610807
Mhm.. that is a tricky one.

On the one hand you could tell her, she'll possibly not believe you and choose the boyfriend over you, even though you're just looking out for her.

On the other hand, you could keep shtum, and when she does come out, if she finds out you knew, she'll ask why you didn't tell her.

It's rather a catch-22.

Though I've not been in this situation, I think the best thing you could do is confront the boyfriend about it. Obviously you know he's messing her around, you don't like it and you don't want to see her get badly hurt.
Just say to him, be calm and collected, that you know what he's doing and that if he doesn't stop, or decide whether he wants to be with your friend or not - then you will take the step and tell her.

It may risk your friendship, but it'll be harder on her if she finds out he's been messing around and you knew.

Thats my opinion at least.

16 Feb 2009 - 13:2010809
Some of the problem is the "behind the back" issue that will happen with whoever you speak to. You talk to the girl, the boyfriend can say that you're lieing later on, and tell the girlfriend that you're just trying to break them up. You talk to the boyfriend you them become the accomplace to his cheating, because if it emerges later the girlfriend would be upset that you didn't tell her.

So maybe tell them both together?

It would be very awkward, because you'd just have to blurt "I think he's cheating on you". But at least that way you know that they'll talk about it immediately, and you won't be accused of shit stirring as most people who are in your situation tend to get called.


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